If there’s one thing I know without a shadow of a doubt, it’s that being in a long distance relationship makes you do crazy things. You have to be shoved entirely out of your comfort zone sometimes to make things work, and when the opportunity to see each other comes up, you don’t pass it up. You especially don’t pass it up when you’re presented with exceptionally rare chances that wouldn’t come up otherwise even if one of the last places you thought you’d find yourself in was Baltimore.
At the very start of Lucas’s time away, we had always talked about the possibility of seeing each other if he was in a port that was close enough to get to. We thought there was a potential of me heading into Canada, which, while an exceptionally long trip, would have been doable, but after discussing it, we decided it wasn’t a good idea. The moment Lucas went across the Atlantic again after that sucked. It felt like the opportunity was lost. After arriving to the European side of the Atlantic, imagine my surprise when I was given a short list of places that they could go to after making their next stops and it included two ports I could go to. Nothing was set in stone, but it was something nice to hold onto.
We were equal parts optimistic and exceptionally realistic over the entire situation when we received confirmation that Lucas’s ship would be stopping in Baltimore. The timeline we were working with was nerve-wracking, the long trip back across the Atlantic from the port they were leaving making the trip a little longer, and the threat of bad weather potentially extending the timeline further. Still, just in case, I did what I needed to ensure that if things lined up correctly, I could make the trip. I kept my expectations low, not letting myself get too excited just in case, but I was hopeful.
I anxiously kept tabs on where Lucas’s ship was whenever I could, switching between two different sites to figure out if things were going to plan. I couldn’t help but let myself get a little excited as I watched his ship get closer, planning to go ship spotting as it would be passing nearby, but unfortunately for me it went by shortly after midnight. It’s safe to say that I was not awake.
Rather than dwell on the possibility that things wouldn’t work out the next day, I went to the movies with some coworkers to see the new Hunger Games movie. It was something that I very much needed, desperate for some sort of normalcy, and with popcorn and soda in hand, the three of us settled in to watch The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. Completely shell-shocked by the movie we watched, we made a trip to the mall to try and decompress and find our words and make sense of our thoughts. None of us had actually read the book and had no idea what to expect and we certainly weren’t expecting it to somehow be worse than the trilogy movies in terms of what happened. It was a really good movie, we were just stunned. But imagine my further surprise when already shell-shocked and confused, when I received a message basically asking if I would be able to head to Baltimore that night.
I’m very lucky that I have some exceptionally understanding coworkers who were okay with cutting the night short so that I could make the drive.
Going into this trip, I can honestly say that I had no idea what to expect or what to think. If you read my third month check-in post, I think it’s at least somewhat evident that we weren’t where we should be in our relationship. Between the external factors and the realization that there are people who don’t want to see our relationship succeed for one reason or another, the toll it was taking on both of us was brutal. Despite being worried of what could happen, I hung onto the glimmer of excitement that I had. I packed my bag as best as I could, hoping that my haphazard mess had everything I needed, booked our hotel, and went on my way.
The closer I got to Baltimore, the more nervous I became. I’m still not sure if it’s because I knew I would be meeting some of Lucas’s crewmates or if it was from actually seeing Lucas. Either way, it was enough for me to make a stop at Maryland House, one of the rest stops along the highway, to try and take a moment for myself. It was only a half hour away, and I was able to grab a water to try and have something to settle myself. I spilled about half of it on myself from my nerves.
But the moment I got into Baltimore, and spotted my surprise little welcome party near the parking garage I said I would go to, everything felt all right. There was something weird about the moment where it felt like I had gone through it before. Even when I finally parked, nearly getting run over by a security guard on an errant golf cart (I can’t even begin to accurately explain that), everything felt the way it should. The moment I saw Lucas? Well, it reminded me of the very first time we met.
Every little worry and fear that was there was instantly washed away. The instant connection and feeling of home immediately where it needed to be and exactly like I remembered. It’s scary how much can be fixed with a single hug.
This blog post is very much #notspon, but I want to express appreciation for the places that we did go, especially on such short notice.
With very little time to spare, I found us a room at the Days Inn by Wyndham Baltimore Inner Harbor. For something last minute, the price and location couldn’t be beat. The hotel itself is dated, and it shows and could use some major updates, but that was to be expected. Our room was clean, although it was exceptionally warm and very difficult to cool off. We didn’t get out early enough to have the offered breakfast, so I can’t comment on that. The parking garage behind the hotel was helpful to have and offered in-and-out privileges with ticket validation for $35 a night. We did not take advantage of this as we only used my car once during our brief stay in the hotel, but it’s handy to take note of if you plan to stay in this hotel and want to use your car to adventure out.
One of my favorite things about spending time with Lucas is the fact that we don’t mind taking things slow when trying to figure out activities. We’re not people who feel the need to go out to do things just to do them. We’re more content just being together, and our favorite moments together involve going to a bookstore or just normal shopping. Perhaps it’s the fact that we don’t get to do these things normally or just the fact we really just like being together, but regardless of the reason, it was exactly what we did.
Before Lucas arrived in Baltimore, he mentioned needing to pick up a few things and mentioned desperately needing a haircut. I took some time figuring out where we could go, and off we went.
Our first stop was at one of the nearby Wawa’s so that I could get gas – and yes, this Jersey girl can pump her own gas and gladly did so. I know Lucas would have done it for me if I asked, but I feel a sense of accomplishment doing it on my own, so I did. After, we went our way to the nearest shopping center which had somewhere to get Lucas’s hair cut and a Target.
We were originally going to get something to eat as with the excitement of the previous day the only thing I had was half of a medium-sized bag of popcorn and half of a cherry Coke, but it was still a little too early for what we wanted. After doing some more searching in the area and after realizing I hadn’t had it in a very long time, I suggested we stop at Panda Express and get Lucas’s hair cut first while we waited for them to open. A short half hour later and a fresh hair cut for Lucas, we made our way across the road to go eat.
At some point we made it a quest to have Lucas try different fast-food chains, and for some reason Panda Express felt fitting. The orange chicken was a win. 
From there we continued on to the nearby Loews to try and find Lucas a small but powerful (and for the moment – inexpensive) flashlight for work. Luckily we were able to find one. After finding Lucas’s flashlight, we went back over to Target and then went to Walmart.
We were very surprised that we finished up the shopping that we needed to do for Lucas not too long after noon and with no idea what else to do for the day, we returned back to the hotel. Since we had a lot of time on our hands, we decided to stay in the hotel for a while, watch some tv, including attempting to watch the Las Vegas F1 race on Lucas’s phone as the tv didn’t allow for casting, and then do a bit of writing on our next projects.
Sometimes not having plans makes things a lot nicer.
One of the things that Lucas and I are genuinely awful at is picking out what to have for just about any of our meals. We’re very similar in our likes and dislikes and for the most part we’re generally pretty easygoing on where we go. This is apparently a recipe for disaster.
We wanted to do something nice and with our proximity to the inner harbor, there were a lot of options. We were also content with going a little further out, but I admitted that I didn’t want to do anymore driving because city driving stresses me out, so we stuck to the immediate area. With the idea of “nice” and “close” we considered the possibility of the Cheesecake Factory. It was something different, and we both wanted a nice dessert that we could share. We weren’t entirely sure if that was what we wanted, but we set out to go find out.
The moment we made it out of the hotel and back to the inner harbor, we were intrigued by the little ice skating rink that was set up. Lucas has talked about taking me ice skating for years and it’s something that we haven’t done yet. I considered it for a very long time until I realized if I somehow hurt myself, I would somehow still have to drive a very long time.
We made plans to go ice skating in Central Park in NYC the next time Lucas comes here and can stay with me for an extended period of time instead. We both decided that not only did it sound like a far more enjoyable idea, it seemed more personal and romantic staying away from the hustle and bustle of the rink at Rockefeller Center. Plus, Lucas wanted to see Central Park so it’s a win-win for everyone.
I don’t remember the exact reasoning, but for some reason, the moment we saw the Cheesecake Factory, we decided not to go. This left us in a little bit of a bind and we sat down at a bench on one of the piers to figure out where to go instead. Despite there being a lot in the area, for some reason my Maps app was not bringing everything up. After asking Lucas what he was interested in having, I threw that into a Google search and after another long debate, we found ourselves on our way to Shake Shack.
It was a good choice.
After eating, we still decided to go to the Cheesecake Factory and pick up a slice of cheesecake to bring back with us. It had been a while since I’d seen the selections and it was a cheesecake overload for Lucas since there were a lot of choices. We knew we were only getting one slice because they’re massive pieces of cheesecake and it took us some time to figure out one we could agree on. Eventually we settled on the Celebration cheesecake which felt fitting considering there was a lot to celebrate – both missed birthdays, Lucas being almost done with his first five months, us being together, the realization that everything really was okay; we were celebrating.
We also took some time to take a few photos together at the harbor, despite it being absolutely freezing. It meant the photos were exceptionally blurry, but that’s okay. We also managed to take one of our new favorite photos – one of the few benefits of having live photos set is catching cute little moments.
Returning to the hotel, we settled in and enjoyed our cheesecake and watched more tv. For the first time on any trip that we’ve had, the night wasn’t spent being sad and just being “normal” for a little bit. It was the first time I started to see just how much our relationship has changed over the past two years.
The next morning we took slow, neither of us ready to brave the cold or the rain that had decided to show itself. It didn’t help that we were already bored of being in the city because the driving wasn’t enjoyable. That and we had a very long day ahead as I didn’t have to drop Lucas back off at the port until later that day – a very pleasant surprise that I didn’t know I would have. I had been under the impression I would have to drop him off early in the morning, but I was certainly not going to complain about having another day together.
Our first thought was going to visit the B&O Railroad Museum as it was something Lucas wanted to visit last summer, but with the weather we decided to skip it. I then had an errant thought of a gift that I had been wanting for a while but hadn’t mentioned to Lucas before.
I had been wanting something personalized for a while to always keep with me as a small token for the rough times as a reminder. I feel terrible when insecurities start to come in, and it’s difficult to reach out to get reassurance when Lucas is out at sea. I confessed that I had come across the idea months ago and said that I really liked the engravable jewelry at Pandora. I knew that it was extremely cheesy, but it was something that I knew I wouldn’t take off. I was a little surprised by Lucas’s reaction, not expecting it.
“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”
So, that was where our adventure for the day would start to take us. But first – food.
Once again, we had absolutely no idea what to eat. I had suggested just stopping in the Whole Foods near where the Pandora was, but something told me to doublecheck what there was in the area. When we arrived at the parking garage which luckily had a much better flat-rate, we spent some time looking at what was around. We had toyed with the idea of pizza, but I wasn’t feeling up for it. That is until I started looking at what was in the area and looking at the reviews and photos that were included. I came across what looked to be a really good brick oven pizza restaurant and after showing Lucas the photos, we decided to head that direction. I’m glad that we did.
Somehow, in searching, I had completely missed the fact that we were heading into Little Italy which looked just exactly as I expected it would. Lucas was thoroughly convinced that I knew that we were heading into the very Italian little neighborhood, but I can genuinely say I had no idea.
Stepping up to Isabella’s Brick Over, I had no idea what to expect other than it was cute. It was quaint and cozy and a perfect reprieve from the freezing cold rain outside. We took a few minutes to take in the space and we were promptly greeted, asking if we needed a menu, which we most definitely did. It’s not often that I feel good about a place, but I felt really good about this one. We made our way to one of the tables set against the wall to browse through the menu and the entire time the phone didn’t stop ringing. This group was working hard to get each and every one of their orders done with very little complaint (or rather none at all), and I was impressed. It was nice to see.
I ordered a 10-inch margherita pizza and Lucas ordered a 10-inch Da Patro, which was sausage, peppers, and onions. We decided to also add on an order of garlic bread to share. And when I say that this is the best food I’ve had in a long time, I truly mean this was the best food I’ve had in a very long time. The number of people coming in and out to pick up orders that I swear were consistently $60 or more really made us realize that we made the correct choice.
The flavors of everything was fantastic and wasn’t overdone. The crust was perfect, the right amount of charred from the brick oven and crispy. I can’t comment on what Lucas’s pizza tasted like, but mine was incredible. Not too salty, the right amount of cheese and sauce – just perfect. I will say that Lucas’s pizza looked really good. The garlic bread was equal parts garlic-buttery soft with the perfect crispy edges. I don’t think either of us could be happier with our food, and I really wish I could try more.
After our stop at Isabella’s, we made our trek to the Pandora for whatever it was I decided I wanted to get. My initial thought was I wanted a charm to have a necklace, but after stepping into the store and looking at the selections available, both of our opinions changed. After a short debate and asking opinions from the store’s workers, we opted for the bar bracelet instead of a charm. For the price with the Black Friday sale along with the engraving fee which covered both sides of the bracelet made it worth it.
The process was quick, but it could have been made a lot easier. I don’t want to discuss the negatives of the situation because it was probably really the only major downside that came up, but I wish that I would have stuck with the charm. I don’t know if the process would have been better or worse, but it felt like my first instinct might have been correct. I also wish I was more persistent in my thoughts and feelings as the quality I expected wasn’t what I was hoping for.
I love my bracelet, the side with Lucas’s handwriting coming out perfect. But I was disappointed by the fact that there was a stylus available that Lucas could have used to make writing a little easier. I mentioned this before going through the process of getting the bracelet engraved, but we were not given the option to go back and rewrite what was written. When it came to engraving the other side of the bracelet, the engraving with our anniversary date was horribly off-centered. The writing is at the very tippy-top of the bar to the point where I can’t tell if the upper most parts of the engraving is actually there. Even after mentioning it, I felt completely ignored.
Deciding to just be happy to receive the bracelet after months of hoping for it, I decided to just take the bracelet as-is. However, I’ve since reached out to Pandora’s customer service team to see if anything at all can be done. I have my doubts, but it’s bothered me since we left, and I couldn’t not say something. If you don’t ask, then you never know.
After leaving Pandora, we decided that we needed to get out of the city and do something else. This was where it felt like the trip started to take a bit of a turn, and not just because reality was starting to hit.
We decided to visit a mall that was further north out of the city. The driving was extremely convoluted, and I swear it felt like we were in someone’s very haphazard game of Cities Skylines with a very confusing city set up. When we arrived at the mall, we very quickly realized the mall wasn’t going to have anything for us and left very shortly after arriving. After another search, I came across a shopping center with a Barnes and Noble, a Starbucks, a Paper Source (which made me delighted), and even a Trader Joes. Back in the car we went and we settled in far easier into something that felt familiar.
One of the best things that Lucas and I ever did was start going on bookstore dates. Our relationship is firmly embedded in both reading and even writing – something we both do frequently together. We absolutely love the smell of books, and even if we don’t buy anything, we enjoy browsing to see what’s available, walking through the store hand-in-hand and probably looking at what’s on the shelves with the same reverence someone might do in a museum. We’re equally as guilty when we stop into local libraries.
It was fun going into the store and actually being able to discuss some of the books I’ve read recently, telling Lucas about everything that I’ve read. I was even more excited to talk to Lucas about Iron Flame because I had only just finished it a few days previous. It was one of my slower reads, taking three days to read instead of two (yes, I know – technicality), but I had fun with it, and I had been wanting to have someone else read it so I could talk about it.
Well, apparently, I said the right thing because after going through the entire store and then settling into the Starbucks with our drinks – honey citrus tea for Lucas and an iced gingerbread latte for me that I received a questioning look for with how cold it was – we talked a little bit about the book some more. In between working on our newest writing project, something that was done painfully on my phone since we had no other devices, I talked a little bit more about the book.
Needless to say, we found ourselves back in Barnes and Noble after visiting Paper Source, which I surprisingly couldn’t find anything in, and Trader Joes which did not have my soft-baked cookies that I really wanted. After inspecting each and every copy of the book available, I’m a little jealous that Lucas has both of his copies from the American print run and not the Italian print as the American paper is far more substantial than the practically tissue-paper pages of the Italian printed books.
But time was running out and we knew it. Lucas had to be brought back, we were running out of things to do, and it sucked to realize. Rather than overthinking our dinner, we decided to act on our tradition of visiting a McDonalds at least once everywhere we go. Even though it wasn’t directly in Baltimore, we decided this would be our Baltimore credit. While the food was actually good, this was the saddest McDonalds we’ve ever had.
We tried to prolong things for as long as we could before we made our way to the port’s terminal. Even when I pulled into the bus stop next to the gates that we were borrowing as a drop-off point, we tried to stay together as long as possible. The rain didn’t really help in keeping us there for as long as we wanted.
The goodbyes – or see you soons, as Lucas preferred to say, are never long enough. There’s never enough hugs, never enough kisses, never enough anything. It’s gotten to the point where we have to just figuratively rip the bandaid off and just leave, but it’s never ever enough.
It didn’t hit me until I pulled away from the terminal that leaving this time in particular was really rough. I tried to play it off that it would be easier as I was technically just dropping Lucas off for work, but that didn’t help as much as I thought it would. I couldn’t help but question when exactly I would see Lucas again, already dreading the seemingly never-ending countdown to when I would get my next hug.
I didn’t know that I would receive my answer sooner rather than later.
Until next time.
With love from abroad,
Cat
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