There’s always a very particular sort of ache that comes from being long distance and going through the holidays. Even though we don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving at home, it felt as though I should have had Lucas with me for the day. At the very least, the holiday meant that I could get away with enjoying all of my Christmas nonsense as it’s my favorite time of year and the season would finally kick into full gear. I spent my time wishing that I could just go get Lucas and bring him back with me and celebrate in our own special way – probably with Cracker Barrel, knowing us. But it wasn’t meant to be as I knew he had to work, and I would be working the day after the holiday.
After three years of what’s dubbed “Thanksgiving Friday,” I’ve found myself looking forward to it as it’s an entirely different vibe at work. The building is usually staffed with different people from other locations, and it’s fun to talk to new people and learn how things are done where they’re at. I’m a sucker for knowledge, and after becoming far more confident in myself over the years, I love asking questions. It also meant seeing someone I hadn’t worked with in a long time, and just overall, it was a pleasant day.
I can’t pretend that it wasn’t nice to be able to talk about my trip to Baltimore and then explain a little bit more about what Lucas actually does as I’m finally reaching a point where I understand. It also helped that I had received a few mini-lessons only a few days prior.
Still, all I could think about was the fact that Lucas was still in Baltimore and just right there. I tried to ignore it, planned to take the weekend to try and decompress and work on the last of my projects for school. I spent most of Saturday on my Playstation, playing whatever caught my eye, but mostly playing Fortnite while also talking to a friend online when I received a message from Lucas asking if I would hate it if he came to me. The answer was of course obviously not, but we couldn’t find a logical way of making it work in a way that wouldn’t leave me exhausted.
Well after an hour-long debate, I found myself back on my way south to Baltimore. Being long distance really makes you do crazy things.
The plan this time was a lot different than earlier in the week, though. We had absolutely nothing booked, had no idea where we were staying. All we had to work with was I was asked to join Lucas and his shipmates wherever they wound up and we would go from there.
The drive felt somehow longer and shorter at the same time, probably because I had only just done it. Pulling into the same garage I went to earlier in the week felt oddly surreal, and I’m glad that I had a small group with me as I wasn’t feeling up to walking the city by myself. After a failed attempt for them to get food and drinks at another establishment at the inner harbor, we all went to the Hard Rock Café. We all very quickly questioned the decision as the service was exceptionally slow from being seated to receiving any sort of drinks. I decided to just get a soda as I was exhausted and there was no way any sort of alcohol would sit right.
It was fun to hear stories from the rest about time on the ship and it was amusing to see photos that the others had and were more than happy to show me. I felt terrible because I didn’t have much to contribute as exhaustion was hitting me very hard. I booked us a stay at a Holiday Inn a half-hour away in Edgewood, we stayed with the group for about an hour, and then after saying goodbye to the rest, we went on our way.
I was initially concerned about our reservation as the information went under my mom’s name instead of mine. I was unable to add myself as a guest for whatever reason, and was hoping I didn’t have to call the customer care line while in the hotel, but luckily the very nice man at the desk was understanding and we checked in with no issue. With it being so late and very hungry, Lucas and I debated on heading to McDonalds, but we decided to try something different and went to the Denny’s across the highway instead.
I forgot how fun Denny’s could be, especially at night. It has an entirely different environment, one that’s especially laid back and stress free. To make it even more fun, I received a message from one of my Australian friends in a group chat I’m in and while waiting for our food, I let Lucas message both of my Aussies. It was the first time Lucas had interacted with my one friend and even longer since he’d talked to our mutual Aussie and I think the three of them were equally as delighted to talk to each other.
Shortly after our food arrived, the other two decided to get on with their afternoons and Lucas and I enjoyed being together. We returned to the hotel, took showers, and watched tv for a little bit before very quickly falling asleep.
Its almost unfortunate that Lucas and I tend to wake up really early because we were up way too early. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world as we threw the tv on to watch, but sleeping in would’ve been nice. The Holiday Inn seems to have some of the most comfortable beds I’ve ever been in and more sleep would have been great. However, we turned the tv to ESPN to get ready for the last Formula 1 race of the season and went down to breakfast.
I was a little disappointed that the pancake maker was empty, only giving me the smallest of basically non-existent pancakes, but everything else was good. After having exceptionally greasy food so late at night, Lucas and I weren’t feeling our best, so the simplicity of breakfast helped a ton.
I just wasn’t expecting to be hit with emotions so early in the morning.
I wanted to talk about a trip I had been invited on to figure out the logistics and how to make it work. It’s months away, but I was aware that it’s an important trip that coincides with what is typically our usual vacation time. It’s manageable, I believe, but there are a lot of variables with my current career path and finances that make it difficult to figure out. That and I wasn’t sure about things in general as Lucas gave me more information and then he managed to practically break me in four words – “You’re family, you know.”
Ow.
It’s always been a kind of an unspoken thing that was never really said out loud. Partially because I struggled a lot with the concept of being a part of someone else’s family or even being considered part of it. After a very long time (too much time, really) of not fitting in with my ex’s family, I didn’t think it was something that could ever happen. It was hard to ever imagine that I could fit into someone else’s family, but when I met Lucas’s, well…I was a little surprised to realize just how easily I did fit. I’ve mostly just tried not to think about it, but while already extremely emotional and very tired still and dreading the fact I officially knew that there would be no exact moment we’d see each other, it’s safe to say those words hit a lot different this time around.
Luckily I was spared from having to think about it for too long as we went back upstairs to our room to watch the race and take advantage of the extra hour I asked for with late checkout. I was hoping we would get the 2PM check out for being IHG members, but the noon checkout was more than enough and well needed. It meant that we didn’t need to subject ourselves to the cold and longer than necessary and meant we didn’t have to think as hard about what to do.
Since we had to head back down south towards the terminal, our adventure brought us to White Marsh, Maryland, where we spent our day at The Avenue at White Marsh. It was a modernized shopping center filled with a lot of little shops and places to eat and a genuine delight to visit.
I think if the weather had held up, we would have done more than what we did. We stopped for a quick snack – pretzels – and then browsed around to see what might be of interest. Our plans were to sit at the Starbucks (again) and visit Barnes and Noble (yes, again) because we wanted to work on our writing project. I came across a very large Hallmark store which we stopped in first before we decided to head off on our original plans.
We first stepped into Barnes and Noble which we immediately felt funny with. We were excited to be going into such a large store, but we found it devoid of anything that made Barnes and Noble cozy. It was extremely modern, very bright, but it lacked the warmth that we’ve come to associate with the company. I was able to get a funny photo that I had been dying to take for months, but other than that, we weren’t too thrilled. We did our quick walkthrough of the store and then immediately decided to go back to my car to retrieve Lucas’s laptop and then head to Starbucks. We learned very quickly from our last attempt at writing and we knew that we needed a computer to use.
I had been holding myself together up until the point we arrived in Starbucks. The weather was getting worse and there was an almost strange finality to the situation. It took us a little while to find seats and when we managed to find a place in the corner by the large front windows everything hit me hard. Even though we had received a bonus day, one that I had been secretly hoping for, it was difficult to realize that this was going to be our last time seeing each other for a while.
We had discussed the possibility of a visit at another port, but that wasn’t guaranteed, and if we were going to be honest with ourselves, having less than 24 hours together again just sounded painful. We’re obviously grateful to have whatever time we can have together, but the pain that comes along with never having enough time is one that’s not very pleasant to work through.
Still, I tried to do my best and just pay attention to our current project.
The later it started to get, the worse I started to feel. I really wasn’t feeling at all confident with the rain knowing I had to be up early in the morning for a doctor’s appointment and then work. I didn’t want to be caught in the torrential downpours I had been in only a few days previous, and as much as I didn’t want to, I felt it was better to cut our time together a little shorter. Luckily it wasn’t by much, only four hours by the time we left Starbucks, but it still hurt. To try and prolong the time together, we took funny photos by the Christmas tree that was set up in the shopping center. It was definitely very cold and rainy, but I wanted something more to latch onto.
Our dinner of choice that night was Chili’s, another place that Lucas had never been to and had been ages since I’d been at. We had been hoping to have dessert together, but we both found ourselves way too full to finish.
As much as we both hated it, I returned Lucas back to the terminal that I really didn’t want to visit again with a drop off. I wanted nothing more than a lot more time than what we had, but the drive was going to be difficult otherwise. So, with another set of tearful goodbyes, we parted once more.
It’s hard not knowing when we’ll see each other next, but the next month and a half should be a lot smoother than the first three months were. I believe we’ve hit our rhythm again and have been able to have a much better appreciation of what each of our roles are in this lifestyle. Is it easy? Absolutely not. But it’s something that’s unique to our relationship and with our circumstances it makes things special.
It’s not for the faint of heart, but we’re doing it and can continue to handle whatever is thrown our way. We just really can’t wait for when we’re able to close the distance and know that we’ll always be coming home to each other in the way that we’ve been talking about. There’s still some time before we reach that day, but we hope you all join us for the journey.
Until next time.
With love from abroad,
Cat
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