Well, here we are again. After a year of being able to avoid writing this particular series, here we are again. Welcome back to A Relationship at Sea.
Let’s do a quick recap for those who might be stumbling across this site for the first time and have absolutely no idea what this series is or who I am.
My name is Cat, and I am in a long distance (or variable distance when we feel like being funny) relationship with a merchant mariner. I am the partner that is unceremoniously left on land while my seafarer gets to travel across the open seas and waterways of our world, and I get to figure out how to navigate life landside during all of this. We have been together for quite some time, and we have dealt with the uniqueness of already being long distance for a while now. The whole being with someone who travels the world for work is just an added unique factor to our relationship.
I spent the second half of 2023 discussing my experiences as the partner left on land, laying out the complicated feelings that came up along with sharing how things were. It’s an aspect that isn’t discussed often and with how many people are in the merchant mariner field who have a significant other, I decided I wanted to share. This website, and the series, were created with the sole intention of finding others who are in a similar situation as me. Since I’m too shy to post videos on places like TikTok – which may or may not exist in the US (why is no one talking about the fact there was a secondary limit on its existence that’s coming up soon?) – or Instagram, I hide here.
Although this year I might start talking about it.
I greatly underestimate the power of social media, and unfortunately, I’m back to not having a support group full of people who can understand at least the merchant mariner end of things. Oh well, c’est la vie.
I wasn’t sure if I had wanted to make this post now or later and wait until things have truly gotten underway, but I realized it would be a disservice to myself to ignore all of the feelings that come up beforehand. This is equal parts a journal as it is for me to try and find others in my situation, so, here we are.
Apparently the fact that I was aware all of this was coming up did absolutely nothing to soothe my nerves. I think the knowing and remembering how things went last time was enough to sour the experience well before it’s started. It didn’t help that the amount of whiplash that came with waiting to find out the date of departure didn’t exactly make things easier. It felt like it took far longer this time to get any information about what was happening until BAM! everything started to happen all at once.
I can’t even begin to explain how weird it is to be on the other side of things while thousands of miles apart. It’s already easy to feel helpless in a long distance relationship as it is. Add in the additional factors of everything that comes with prep work for spending months at a time at sea and it’s a nightmare. It’s not like I could up and help with packing or help make sure that Lucas had everything purchased in bulk to bring along. I can’t provide hugs to ease nerves (and also ease mine) or just be a physical presence. And while I’m very aware of the fact that Lucas can handle so much on his own, in some ways, it’s the principle of the matter that I can’t be there.
While that aspect isn’t exclusive to the merchant mariner aspect of life, it feels like it sucks that much more. I know there will be a time where I’ll be able to actively help and try and ease the burdens of pre-work prep, but there are still so many logistics that we have to sit and figure out before that will be able to happen. It makes my head spin whenever I think about it, so I try not to, but I know it’s a conversation that we have to seriously start having very soon.
I’m fairly positive that Lucas and I were very much under the impression that all of this would have been started much sooner, but here we are – almost in March and just getting started. It’s made us question whether our current timelines for ourselves will match up the way we expected, but we’re still maintaining hope. It might be a tight turnaround, but if there’s anything I know about our relationship, it’s that we’ve become masters of finding ways to be together even in the most extraordinary circumstances.
With all that being said, I’ve decided to create goals for myself this time around on top of the goals I’ve set for the year for myself. I’ve done a really bad job with my goals for the year so far, but these other goals feel a little more attainable.
This Hitch’s Goals
- Fully edit my partially completed manuscript
- Start querying for agents
- Land an agent
- Start a Silent Book Club (or something similar)
- Finally figure out why I crochet backward
- Get through my Woobles kits that have been sitting
- Do a massive declutter and reorganize a lot
- Figure out a decent bookshelf alternative
- Do a solo adventure at least once somewhere
- Start streaming again
Now that I’ve put my goals out there, I hope that it means I’ll keep myself accountable. Editing my manuscript is going to be a challenge, but I’m proud of myself for getting the bones of it done in two weeks. After taking five years to write The Red String Theory, I’m so happy to say that I finally figured out the direction it needed to go, and I think it wrote most of itself. I changed huge parts of the story, but it’s still the story I was looking for.
And it’s fun.
Maybe I’ll share a little snippet of it here at some point. I’m proud of what it’s become so far, and I hope it will resonate with others who are also in long distance relationships and those who are starting to find themselves all over again.
Anyway, I suppose this is it for now. I’m sure I’ll write more about all of this again soon. For right now? I just need to process everything and see where things will settle in.
Until next time.
Want to join a new community devoted to long distance relationships? Join the XO From Abroad Discord or stop by the XO From Abroad Facebook Group!
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