After nearly 150 days – almost 5 months later exactly, this chapter is finally over with. It has quite possibly been the longest five months I have ever experienced, and I am so beyond relieved that it’s over. Surprisingly there’s an almost sadness that comes with it beneath all of the excitement of finally being able to return to some semblance of normalcy.
Bet none of you ever expected me to say that, huh?
It feels weird to think about how much has changed over the past 5 months. Lucas absolutely learned a lot, and so did I. It was the first time we were given the opportunity to start and settle into our respective roles regarding the future of our relationship, and it was an experience, to say the least. There was a lot of growth on both ends, and while we didn’t have some of the bigger conversations that we had wanted to have, it’s okay. We have the entirety of 2024 to work on figuring things out, and we’ve started to have the conversations already.
While there’s plenty more to learn and a lot more to figure out from this first five months, there were several major takeaways on my end that I feel are important to remember. I’m both glad that I was able to learn as time went by, but I also wish that there were lessons that didn’t come up. I’m very grateful that we can finally take the time to work together and heal from the particular damaging moments and come together in the ways that we know best.
Despite what so many people were telling me, I learned that I can, in fact, handle this lifestyle.
It’s not an easy one. I’ve said it repeatedly over the last few months that I can absolutely understand how relationships involving this lifestyle end and why. There’s a lot of sacrifice involved that extends well past just being long distance. There needs to be an acceptance that both sides have to be even more independent than usual, but also learn how to navigate being together again. Life on land is not the same as being out at sea, but there’s an opportunity to let both worlds intermingle.
With time there eventually comes a rhythm. We initially had it locked in until unexpected things were thrown at us. It’s unfortunate that it took us reaching the fourth month before things finally stabilized again, but we did it. Was it enjoyable? Absolutely not, but we worked on things and worked on our relationship to get to where we needed to be.
I’m aware that as our relationship evolves and we move towards having our own little family things will be complicated in an entirely different way. Even more sacrifices will have to be made, but we’ll make it work. As we’ve always said – we do everything together and we have figured everything out together, as well. Moving forward in our lives and as a family will be no different in that respect, just a little unconventional. I’m sure that there will be plenty of tears, but there isn’t much that we haven’t figured out together. We managed it once, we can manage it again.
At least next time we’ll be much better equipped.
Finding those who genuinely care and are interested in what’s going on with this lifestyle (and in life) might be harder to find than expected. However, once you find them – don’t let go.
It’s hard to find people who can understand this lifestyle, and I suppose that’s why I’m almost glad that the military groups didn’t accept me amongst their ranks. Despite the similarities, it’s not entirely the same.
I can understand the long lengths of time away, I can understand the fear of war (surprisingly), but the mentality between this lifestyle and military are extremely different.
In my personal experience, I’ve found a lot of it to be in the mindset. There’s a rigidity in military relationships that only partially exists in a merchant mariner relationship. I’m aware that there are expectations and certain parts to my role in this relationship, but I don’t feel the weight of it. It’s hard to explain and maybe I can explain it more later when I have some more time to think about it, but I don’t mind it.
However, on the same note of finding people who understand the lifestyle, it’s very difficult to find people who are genuinely concerned about what’s going on in your day to day. Maybe this was just something that was unique to my experience, but I truly struggled with the “misery loves company” crowd. I didn’t like that people were so quick to cut me down versus being supportive.
I’m glad that I’ve found a small spot to be, but I also hope that in the future I can help be the support for someone else in this lifestyle. I don’t want it to be as difficult as it was for me as it was for someone else.
Working through problems together is possible, but it’s so much more difficult.
I think the realization of how difficult it is to work through any relationship issues that comes up while apart was something I wasn’t expecting. In general, Lucas and I are pretty good at figuring out whatever problem comes our way, but the uniqueness of our relationship and the lifestyle made things hard.
Life was extremely difficult on both sides. Lucas had to worry about what was going on while he was on the ship, and I had to figure out how to have life move forward on my end. We acknowledged the fact that in this situation Lucas luckily has infinitely more distractions to get by when things aren’t where they should be, which made things frustrating. There were many times where we would want to sit down to be able to talk through whatever issue we were having but couldn’t. Things that we could hammer out in one day often took a week or sometimes longer. Not for lack of trying, of course.
But between terribly slow internet (or no internet at all), completely different schedules, and whatever else came up, we were victims of our circumstances. I know I’ve brought it up a few times over the months, but it’s scary how much of a difference it makes. The ability to work through problems in real-time and without stress makes things so much easier, but it’s not impossible.
This career path can be terrifying. It can be hard to predict, but you have to roll with the punches as they come.
This is an aspect of the merchant mariner field that I expected, but it’s only getting worse as time goes on. I mentioned earlier that war is a genuine fear to consider, but so are pirates, on the job hazards, and just other outside forces.
With all of the ship attacks in the Red Sea, pirates taking ships and their crew hostage, and other random nonsense it’s scary. With war, there’s been talks of mobilizing more merchant mariners on military ships and other similar tactics used in both world wars. This isn’t something that you actively think about as these men and women are traditionally civilians but are drafted into war situations due to their expertise and experience.
Luckily it wasn’t something we had to worry about, but there was a brief moment in time where it was a genuine concern. With how often plans and routes change, at least in our experience, it was something to keep in mind.
It’s also important to keep in mind that all companies operate differently, especially with many of the American companies (from what I know). This might not be a concern that others have to worry about, but for us, it was.
There’s plenty more that I can say and plenty more that I’ll probably say over the course of 2024, but in the meantime, this will be my last major check-in for the next year. The first half of this particular chapter is now over, and now it’s time to recover. We have a lot of resting and healing to do between the two of us and have to work on an entirely different adjustment period.
Please feel free to leave comments or ask questions. Anyone can leave them, so please feel free to chat along with me!
Until next time.
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