One of the more difficult challenges you will encounter in your long distance relationship is conversing with others about being in a long distance relationship. Entering a long distance relationship can be wonderful and exciting, but sharing the news of your new relationship can be particularly daunting. Unfortunately, there is a lot of stigma and misinformation surrounding being in a long distance relationship, and many people “just don’t get it,” making the conversation that much more difficult. While the conversation about being in a long distance relationship itself can be challenging, it’s not impossible to get through.
So, let’s talk about ways to get through it.
Before I dive into ways to navigate the conversation, there is one thing in particular I recommend doing before telling others. I wholeheartedly recommend talking to your partner about how to approach telling others about your relationship.
“But why would I do that?” you might ask yourself. “Why should this be a conversation that we have?”
The answer is simple – friends and family might react very negatively to the news, and there’s a possibility that either you or your partner will need some additional support. Knowing there is potential for things not going as planned helps prepare for whatever might come your way. It helps to eliminate the possibility of ending your relationship prematurely. I have seen many relationships fail right at the beginning due to family or friends having extreme reactions to the news. I have found that couples who have kept a united front have soldiered through.
Choose the Right Time
When approaching the conversation of telling friends and family about your long distance relationship, make sure you choose the right time. It seems silly, but timing is everything with this conversation. Choosing the right time could be as intentional as asking for time to talk or waiting for a natural point in another conversation. The more relaxed everyone is, the better. This is not a conversation that’s good to have in especially busy and stressful times, as just mentioning being in a long distance relationship can bring on strong opinions.
Be Clear
Once the conversation starts, be very clear and honest with everyone. People will have their thoughts and questions, but it’s important to make your side of things as straightforward as possible. This is your choice – not theirs. Entering an LDR is a very intentional choice because it’s not easy and certainly isn’t for everyone.
Explain How Your Relationship Works
This is an excellent opportunity to talk about your partner. You can tell everyone about the great things about your partner – what drew you to them and how they make you feel. Highlight the positives of your relationship despite the challenges of being long distance. Feel free to share how you two connect – whether through video calls, texting, or by making plans for as many visits as time and money allow. Emphasize how happy you are with your partner and that being long distance is a hurdle to overcome. If others see that you are happy with your partner, it helps bring further positive feelings to the conversation. Friends and family want to see you happy, and this is an excellent time to highlight that happiness!
Be Calm and Address Concerns
As happy and excited as you are, your friends and family will have questions and concerns. There’s a chance that they might already have negative opinions due to the stigmas that surround long distance relationships. You might be met with comments like “long distance never works” or “how do you know they’re even real?” While the first comment is very incorrect, the second comment is a genuine concern. Sometimes you have to pick your battles and ignore things like the first comment, but address the second comment with an explanation. In fact, there’s an easy way to address the second comment.
Offer an Introduction
If everyone, including your partner, is receptive to it, offer to do introductions. I recommend doing a video call where everyone can see each other. It can be awkward and extremely overwhelming, but it’s a great way to establish connections and have friends and family be more comfortable with the idea of your long distance relationship. Making the connection that a real person is on the other side of the relationship can go a long way in changing people’s opinions.
Be Patient
Being patient is often much easier said than done, especially when the conversation doesn’t go as well as planned. Even though long distance relationships are becoming more common, they are still incredibly misunderstood, and it might take time for your friends and family to come around to the idea. Give them time to process the information, and as mentioned before, try to facilitate a virtual meeting (or in person if it’s feasible!).
Now that we’ve talked about how to have the discussion let’s talk a little bit about what might happen after.
The truth is we never truly know how people will react to this news. Some will accept right at the start, and they are more than happy to know you are happy. Others? Not so much.
Why are my friends and family still struggling to understand why I’m happy in my relationship?
This is a tricky question to answer as there are multiple reasons why people might struggle with understanding long distance relationships. One of the biggest comments I’ve seen repeatedly and have mentioned to me is, “They’re not real” or “You’re not there, so how do you know they’re not cheating on you?”
Both comments hurt — a lot.
The unfortunate reality is that being long distance means spending most of your time apart, making building a life together difficult. It doesn’t mean that the experience isn’t any less real than navigating a relationship together in person. Myself and many others in long distance relationships argue that it’s better as you are left with no choice but to learn how to communicate with each other. You have to take the time to be open and honest, and highly vulnerable in a long distance relationship.
The fear of being cheated on is a fear that can happen whether you’re in person or apart, so I’ve never understood this argument. Being together in person doesn’t lessen the chance of infidelity – if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. You just have to be able to trust your partner, something that most of us do.
So what do I do?
One thing to note is that some other major stigmas are attached to long distance relationships: a lack of seriousness, a high risk of failure, too much isolation, too expensive, and too many sacrifices to make it work. These are often the things that people think of the most when it comes to long distance relationships.
The more you discuss your relationship and long distance relationships in general, the better. Suppose you can share stories of other successful long distance relationships. In that case, you can disprove that they’re not serious and “don’t work.” Keep talking about your partner, how you communicate, and what you’re both looking forward to.
Sharing the news about your relationship can be difficult sometimes, but it’s an important milestone. Whether the initial conversation goes well, or winds up going in the direction you’re not quite expecting, it’s a good thing to do. Solidifying that your partner exists and makes you happy is an exciting moment, and it’s wonderful to share your excitement with others.
Do you have a story about telling your friends and family about your partner you’d like to share? What sort of reactions did you receive informing your family and friends about your long distance relationship? Let us know in the comments!
Until next time.
Want to join a new community devoted to long distance relationships? Join the XO From Abroad Discord or stop by the XO From Abroad Facebook Group!
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